Self-actualization

Today I was forced to meet my college counselor by my parents cause they watch me sitting home doing nothing. I told him I wanted to try to educate myself in the US cause I want real experience. The words I heard from him amazed me. He asked what I was doing. I told him what I’ve been doing. Then he said, “You’re not going anywhere by doing social service. It’s not your field”. To be honest, I knew this long time ago and the fact is that bringing happiness to people is what matters to me. I don’t want a desk job. I want to travel around Nepal to place where I have never been and make a difference in peoples lives. The thing that brings me down is money and the education I have. Education should not be relevant to what I want to be. It’s simply just a way of showing the qualities you have in a certain field.

What happens to people like me who think that eduction is but a piece of paper to certify certain skills you have? Why does education restrict me from developing me into a person I want to be? Isn’t it the selfless deeds that we see in a movie that touches our hearts? Isn’t life supposed to be like that? Isn’t it worth living? Knowledge is important but it’s different from education. It’s a curriculum that worked well on some, benefited them while it’s been nothing but burden for the rest of us. Isn’t education like thought control? It’s always better to know about certain things and activities but we cannot be based on an aggregate of everything that exists in a text book. We have our own interests. There are people like me know who wanted to make a difference in lives of people and yet studied something else. They might have discovered it along the way or perhaps some were like me who thought that if you want to make a positive change in somebody’s life, you can do it anyhow.

Here I am stuck with no degree in humanities and for me a useless degree of B.Sc (Hons) in Computing from London Metropolitan University at an age of 20.  Here I am appreciating movies like Fight Club, Dazed and Confused and The Breakfast Club. The world needs a hero but right now I’ve hit a block with me going against my family who think that an 8 hour regular desk job is whats best for me. I don’t think so. Perhaps arts is the thing I’m interested in. Perhaps money doesn’t matter to me but creating something exquisite does. Perhaps I want to see the colors of the world. I want to witness a miracle. I want to travel to Africa before I go to Europe or America’s. I want to witness both joy and sorrow. I want to what it’s like to live.

There’s never been a greater joy in my life than playing with kids and helping them draw. People need to be taught that it’s not pity to help someone. I could have easily been someone deprived of resources and joy of life. In my life I had every thing that I wanted but that didn’t keep me happy cause it’s the intangible things in life that makes a difference. It’s the kind words, the touch, the softly spoken words, the motivation, the leadership, the time spent together, the support and letting people become independent that matters. Sympathy comes nothing close to empathy. If you cant become a difference in somebody’s life, it’s never too late.

I’m here awake at 2 AM in the morning wanting to make this world a better place and not knowing how. I feel shame for people who told me getting into the IT business was the best decision of my life and now I clearly don’t agree with the there’s money in it part. It’s only human to be thoughtful for yourself. Self-loathing is not something I want from people but they should learn to know that people are different and they don’t hate you for not making a difference in people’s lives. We were not born with a mentality to hate people or discriminate. We learn these from society. We can always change and contribute to make this world jolly. Be it playing music or driving trucks to feed the hungry, what matters is self-actualization. Be satisfied with whatever you are doing. Love the life you live. Make mistakes and mend them. In the words of Kurt Cobain, “Have love, faith and empathy.”

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