Behind closed curtains

If you know me then you know how shy I am. If you don’t know me, I’m an introvert and many times it sucks being one. I probably have more imaginary scenarios a day than those actually take place. I might never say hi to you and still already imagined of being on a big business venture on a dimly lit hotel with BMW’s in the parking lot. It sucks when you want to be a part of something, but it’s so hard to fit in. Perhaps those who know me well know how comfortable I get around them and that I’m not the most silent of the bunch. So here is the story of an introvert.

I probably had a very few close bunch of friends. Some just fit in, while some just tagged along. To be honest, some of my very close friends were really hard to get along in the beginning. I was not always an introvert. At least that’s how I like to think of myself. I knew I was not so mischievous  as a kid and I was a bit shy. In my English class when the teacher asked a question, I used to raise my hand in excitement and used to be very eager to answer the question. Presenting in front of the class wasn’t hard. I would love to read a paragraph from the book. With time as my beard grew, I began to distance myself. I’d rather walk around with a bunch of my few close folks in PE than play football. Perhaps not being interested in sports had something to do with it. It’s like I’ve always lacked that chemistry. It takes at least 2 to score a goal, synchronization of the idea to place a shot, and the ball moving at the right direction after meeting the right coordinates. I always lacked it. I didn’t watch football till I was so much older and I’ve developed an interest in things I could perform on my own. I’ve always been solitary and it often made me feel lonely at times.

I remember those moments on stage behind the thick red curtains. I’m sitting on a not so comfortable chair with two mic stands, with one mic on my face and one on my Pro Martin, seconds before singing a Beatles song. I would hear a swiveling sound of the lever that opened the curtains and there is a mass of people on the ground. All I could see is heads and a few thumbs up and applauds. The spotlight is directed right at me from towards the audience and right above me. I didn’t look behind, but the stage was hollow. The only friend with me at that time is my best friend who has been with me all along, my shiny black and yellow Pro Martin. I would sing a song that nobody would have heard of. And how would I know that amongst the crowd there is someone taking a video of me performing on stage. There’s my Guardian Angel Mrs. Dolma eagerly listening to me perform “Yesterday”. Leaving behind the sad part, I want to tell you of my glorious moments where I stole the show off stage.

I’m so glad of the fact that when you have a few close friends, they are very close to you. They are the ones that notice the little eyebrows that fell. Mrs. Dolma and Ritika dijju are two of my favorite people on Earth and they are everyone else’s favorite too, but I had a better intimate connection to them than the rest. It also became the reason that I was close with my dad and he had a bigger impact in my influences and life than anyone else. I even got the glorious chance to spend time with some of his most fabulous friends. And because of my natural habits of picking a friend and staying with them, I often never had the effect of the crowd. I could lead a different life where I would not listen to Metallica or support Manchester United. I made my own choices of becoming who I am. I had lesser need to share my idea to people who would not understand. I learned to live without any external ideas from interfering with my life. I learned more from encyclopedias and books than TV or gossip. Perhaps I was not aware of the hot news or the usual rumors, but I had my very own world of imagination that was colorful. I remember I had an imaginary friend who didn’t have a name but would speak to me with whispers in the wind. I had a copy with a green cover and inside was a colorful world void of anything that would make sense to science. I never liked studying unless it meant something to me. I liked the subject Environment and Population because I thought it mattered and was good at it. Same with Biology cause I thought it was interesting to know of the living beings around us that exist.

There are perks of being an introvert. I probably haven’t stated them too well, but perhaps I enjoy it this way. If I want to sing, I sing and record them. Perhaps some day I’ll find someone like me who believes in his own ideas and concepts than those you heard from someone else’s experience. For this very reason, I’m stubborn and do not like to accept other ideas on which I have my own opinion. In my world, 2 + 2 = 5 and I’d like to stick to it. It might look wrong to the world but it makes sense to me and I couldn’t explain it to you even if you want to listen. Maybe you should try making a world of your own imagination and interest like I do. Being anti-social isn’t so bad. You will enjoy the silence.


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