Taking the step

I once tried to set up a friend of mine with a friend of mine and she said she didn’t want a boyfriend because she’s been too hurt in the past. I thought she was stupid and talked shit, and now I’m in the same darn situation. So yes, I’m being stupid and I’m talking shit. Everybody deserves love mate. Everybody.

I grew up a Beatles fan and I always heed the words of John Lennon, “all you need is love” and yes, “love is all you need”. Perhaps it was wrong for me to be obsessed with anyone or anything, but just because everything has gone wrong for me until this point does not mean what I’m doing is wrong. So many people have so much worse real life heartbreak stories than I have. Many suffered so much that they thought suicide was the best option, or at least hurting themselves. But love is so different. You heal a broken heart with love. Love fixes love.

It could be the love for movies, or sports, or some company. All it takes is time to heal wounds, but do not lose hope because better things will always come. I’m scared myself at the moment because I like someone, but we hold an uncertain future. She might be going far away, and I might be ignorant and busy. I know it’s better to have loved and lost than not have loved at all (I nicked this line off someone) so I know I should just ask her out. I think we’ll be good together, but I’m too damn scared to start because I’m not sure if I can commit as much to her as I’ve done before. But I know this girl is a lot different and has what I’m looking for, honesty and loyalty. There’s this thing that’s holding me back I think, the fact that she said love is something that happens. It’s perhaps getting close, and perhaps I’m waiting for it.

I’ve had plenty of crush on girls all right, I have to admit, but it was never the sexy body, voice or a beautiful face. What I’ve always wanted was someone I can share my thoughts with and someone who can actually understand the things I say. I want someone who is comfortable to beat me up and someone whom I can help. I want to make a difference in someone’s life without taking away what’s in their life such as moments with family and friends. It’s kind of confusing and I will regret this moment if she goes out with someone else because I like her, very much. I just need some courage.

I really hope I do not mess up the good friendship we have or have any awkward moments. She’s not perfect and I never expect her to be, but I know we understand each other. Strangers are easy to forget, not friends and I don’t wanna lose her. As for now, I’ll just wait for the moment.

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