Whats going on?

I get bored very easily. Is it a good thing? Bad thing? I don’t know.

All of a sudden I’m enjoying the greater responsibilities I’m having in life and getting frustrated at the same time. How I wish these feel good sensations lasted longer but the hormones don’t stick with us for too long. It only takes days for situations to twist and turn. One day I’m so nervous talking to the person and the next time its as if we’ve known each other for years. Its pretty confusing, the state I’m in. Whats going on?

Perhaps life is moving in a fast pace and I’m not being able to capture the little moments. The best things in life come in small packages and I don’t have the time to collect those moments which I could have written in a diary. Remember those times when you made a mistake and you regret for days, yes, that OMG feeling, its gone. I’ve forgotten how to regret and its become so much easier to accept faults. Perhaps this is how people start becoming heartless.

I remember times when I spent hours and days playing computer games and came to no conclusion at all. For the consequences, I had sleepless nights because I was up all night and asleep all day, with no aim or direction of what to do in life. Now with all these responsibilities, it’s hectic. I don’t have time to breathe. I spend more time with strangers because of my profession than with family and friends. I have to cancel friend reunions and the quote, “If you really want to be here, you will be here anyhow” doesn’t apply to me. I hate it how life isn’t static anymore and I’m always moving from place to place, giving out smiles and engaging in something meaningful. I know I’m learning a lot from talking to a lot of people and hearing their stories, but its come to a point when I’ve heard so many stories that nothing seems so spectacular anymore.

Back to boredom. What is going on? I can’t even enjoy video games now. I’m not addicted to drugs, or interested in concerts. It sucks to work like this. All of a sudden you hear so many stories of people struggling and you realise that people want to talk about how life is going nowhere. 24 hours a day, a life expectancy of 62 years, it’s not enough. I’m 21 people and I’ve achieved nothing. Frustration creeps in because at times life has been so predictable. I know that after I get on my bike, I’ll reach my destination in 20 minutes, and then another 20 minutes to get back home. How I wish I could just open a life editor and replace those 40 mins of useless travel with something exciting. If life is going to be this rigid, why live? The more I understand life, the more I get so damn frustrated. What is the purpose if you earn money to pay the rent while diabetes is slowly creeping into you. Seeing how stagnant life is right now, if sometimes makes me wonder if death would have been less painful.

I had a dream that one day I’ll be singing on a rooftop like the Beatles did or travel to Hawaii and bask in the sun. Those are certain fragments of somebodys life who has spent many hard hours sweating like a pig working their ass of. I’m so puzzled right now. Its not like I’m doing really bad in life but having no sense of what is going to happen in my life is frustrating. I see people who haven’t followed their dreams and think they should follow them, but then ignorance is bliss. If you have nothing to worry about, you’re free. You won’t get bald from all the pressure you never had. Also, being knowledgable sucks. I regret every time I have a sip of carbonated drink knowing its only making me fat and killing me. Ugh! Sometimes knowing too much makes me wish I was an ignorant know-nothing creep.

Heads heavy, airs dense, lights messing with my head, everything pretty much sucks. If I can clear my head, I’ll start writing. As for now, I’ll just have to settle with the best thing thats coming out of me right now.

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