Not lost anymore
Just unable to bring change
I feel like a creep
Not lost anymore
Just unable to bring change
I feel like a creep
There’s been countless times when I’ve had rifts with a dear friend of mine, lost touch and was able to become friends again. However, no matter how hard I tried to fix things between us later on, the attempts made to reignite the friendship never worked.
There were times when my heart ached so much and I wished I had this friend back in my life in my times of sorrow, and they were never there. In their absence, I learned that I relied on them too much in the past and realised the fact that I could go on without them. The lack of their support only made me strong. When they came back to my life, I thought I’d be able to fix things between us, but it was far from settled. I’ve had a company of a different group of people so amazing and unique that it never occurred to me I wouldn’t want to go back in time to cherish the moments in my past. I’m happy now, I’m settled with a new group of people who surround me and if I had to choose between an old friend or the ones I hang around with, I chose the people around me now because they understand me and the previous lot don’t.
I’m sure that my friends with whom I’ve shared memorable moments with know a side of me the new friends in my life don’t, but I’ve not just grown and I’ve changed as a whole. Traumas, dilemmas and decisions have turned me into something else. I will forever be in awe to my old friends who were there with me when I was shorter and stupider, but laughter and pain have helped me grow, and they were never there. There were times I needed them and their absence has taught me that life moves on and we go along with whats best for us. As for now, I do not think my best friends of the past will comprehend me. They do not know my influences and cannot guess whats going on in my head and in my life. They have no idea what my favourite movie is or what I have for breakfast. It’s no use trying to force a friendship where the fire has long been extinguished. I do not hate you for not being there when I really needed you, but I’m grateful that I am with people who understand me better and those who wouldn’t necessarily have to ask me what’s going on in my life.
It is always sad losing a friend, but it was necessary because we split because of a conflict of ideas. We weren’t going to accept the way things were. Now I can try to be friends with them, but experience has taught me not to believe in someone else’s story unless you live it. Both of us were wrong about certain things and both of us were sometimes right. We’ve grown because of each other and perhaps someday in the future we will meet again and share our stories. The truth is, I do not miss them and I can imagine a life without them now. As painful as it sounds, I’m certain they feel the same.
It makes me sad but we’ve tried to fix things and it doesn’t seem like it’s going to work. I don’t want to waste my time and I’d rather have long conversations with people who understand. If you know this writing is about you I want you to know that I don’t want you to change, but I hope you live more and love more. I’m grateful to you because it’s because of you that I am who I am now. Everything I am wouldn’t have been possible without you.
I can feel the correspondence of the hot blowing wind and the current of the river. Moments like these don’t come so often. It’s not the absence of this situation, but my disappearance into a world that doesn’t matter.
Here I am carefree sitting on a rock, wondering why I was born in the city. Coming out of the valley is liberation. I’m outside the matrix of human creation. Nature speaks, I listen, and I owe my life to it. This river has always been here and I’ve noticed it after 21 years.
From where I’m sitting right now, I can see people cooking with fireworks. So primitive, yet so beautiful. At least it’s got the essence of life. They strive everyday to survive, these people in the woods. Their life will never be as complicated as ours and they’re satisfied folks. The smiles of these people simply mesmerise me. Their life couldn’t be better.
It’s not only fools and sages that teach you a lesson, we can learn plenty from this river. It doesn’t dry up because it’s consistent and humans haven’t interfered. Everything humans touch turn to rocks. They’re killing it. I so wanna live in the country side, where we live without spoiling other people’s lives.
This used to be my father’s home once upon a time, but he chose the road most traveled. I know he would love to be back again. I would revel myself. Here by the river and between forests, it sure feels like home.
Just as I thought I was alone in this world, I got a company of some pretty decent strangers with a bigger and broader idea of the cruel world. We got a big hole to fix.
Turns out the truth is mostly shrudded in the bewilderment. We cannot hear everyone’s voices. We think it’s a sensible thing that we see change and that the government is finally bring some positivity, but there’s a lot of harm done. We live in an ecosystem where a change in one factor affects another and governments are ruthless when it comes to making decisions and not considering the minority.
In engaging in conversations with an ordinary Nepali, I realised how big of a stereotype I was. These ordinary people dream big. They want to travel all over Nepal, not the world. This is patriotism. They loath the influence of West which I am heavily inspired by. What they’ve got to say are real honest opinions of how they’ve seen their country change from a heavenly tourist destination to something miserable.
Listening to them, it doesn’t feel like going back to Kathmandu but I have to get back. I guess I’ve changed my mind on what I want from life. I’d love to in live some place quiet and calm where people are not greedy and what they care about is their passion to save and revitalise dying dreams. Do the youths care about what really matters? Does spending half your life trying to get quality education and a decent job does anything good for the country?
It would be best if youths realised that it’s time to step up from trying to bring small changes in the country, because what we need is a massive revolution. If youths like you and me are going to foreign countries to learn the culture of other countries, we are letting the negative influence diminish what is left of our beautiful country. We need to step up, take a gigantic leap. Perhaps it’s time for everyone to learn that peace is difficult to find when our world is run by greed.
So how do I execute my master plan? Every kid should start a blog. Everyone must share an idea and stop taking credit for themselves. We don’t live alone or for self prestige. We live in a community where we must teach children is the revolution that running away is not the answer to a better world. The West have realised how the needle has done the damage and they’re trying to fix it, preserve their culture but we are still trying to turn our country into one of those no good urban society.
Big buildings, more malls, online shopping, modern cars, power plants and what not, are these really the sign if an improved civilisation? Do we desire to destroy our culture to feel the comfort in turning ourselves into what we are not? The golden ages have long been gone but we can still try to conserve what is left and stop youths from uprooting ourselves from what we are.
We should try to understand why Western people come to Nepal. It’s not the city but what lies in what’s a normal Nepali have not undiscovered. We fail to see how beautiful and gifted our country is and we have no appreciation of what it means to us. People shed a lot is blood in the past to claim these lands as ours and we don’t sweat to save what is left of it. We can’t be ignorant and we need to forget going after a dream that only benefit oneself.
Dreaming big is saving the young people from falling into the booby trap set by false standards. We don’t need education if we are not taught common sense and we ignore what really matters. It you and me brother and sister who are left in this world to settle this. It’s never too late to begin, but the more we wait, the worse.
Gather around all you clowns, we’re rebels with a cause.