There’s been countless times when I’ve had rifts with a dear friend of mine, lost touch and was able to become friends again. However, no matter how hard I tried to fix things between us later on, the attempts made to reignite the friendship never worked.
There were times when my heart ached so much and I wished I had this friend back in my life in my times of sorrow, and they were never there. In their absence, I learned that I relied on them too much in the past and realised the fact that I could go on without them. The lack of their support only made me strong. When they came back to my life, I thought I’d be able to fix things between us, but it was far from settled. I’ve had a company of a different group of people so amazing and unique that it never occurred to me I wouldn’t want to go back in time to cherish the moments in my past. I’m happy now, I’m settled with a new group of people who surround me and if I had to choose between an old friend or the ones I hang around with, I chose the people around me now because they understand me and the previous lot don’t.
I’m sure that my friends with whom I’ve shared memorable moments with know a side of me the new friends in my life don’t, but I’ve not just grown and I’ve changed as a whole. Traumas, dilemmas and decisions have turned me into something else. I will forever be in awe to my old friends who were there with me when I was shorter and stupider, but laughter and pain have helped me grow, and they were never there. There were times I needed them and their absence has taught me that life moves on and we go along with whats best for us. As for now, I do not think my best friends of the past will comprehend me. They do not know my influences and cannot guess whats going on in my head and in my life. They have no idea what my favourite movie is or what I have for breakfast. It’s no use trying to force a friendship where the fire has long been extinguished. I do not hate you for not being there when I really needed you, but I’m grateful that I am with people who understand me better and those who wouldn’t necessarily have to ask me what’s going on in my life.
It is always sad losing a friend, but it was necessary because we split because of a conflict of ideas. We weren’t going to accept the way things were. Now I can try to be friends with them, but experience has taught me not to believe in someone else’s story unless you live it. Both of us were wrong about certain things and both of us were sometimes right. We’ve grown because of each other and perhaps someday in the future we will meet again and share our stories. The truth is, I do not miss them and I can imagine a life without them now. As painful as it sounds, I’m certain they feel the same.
It makes me sad but we’ve tried to fix things and it doesn’t seem like it’s going to work. I don’t want to waste my time and I’d rather have long conversations with people who understand. If you know this writing is about you I want you to know that I don’t want you to change, but I hope you live more and love more. I’m grateful to you because it’s because of you that I am who I am now. Everything I am wouldn’t have been possible without you.