When I was a kid, I thought I was the most important being on this planet and all other humans are pretending to live their lives, trying to make the world seem normal; simply adjusting to make my life wonderful. I was so wrong.
For quite some time my parents brought me up like the Buddha. I’d get everything I’d ever want. If I demanded, my dad would come home from work with a ton of chocolate and toys. I’m so glad they were always there, fulfilling every silly demand but then there came a point when I realised that life was not something in their control. The world full of miseries soon came by. My uncles passed away; three of my mothers elder brothers wiped out by scary diseases. The future since them have seemed so uncertain and I wished I could do something to change their fate. We cannot bend the rules of life. We abide them from existence till we perish. In time I realised that it is so easy to fall apart. To get something intact and working in a system is difficult. Sometimes you get it wrong and sometimes you lose the motivation to go on.
It is difficult to focus on life when there are things that are bugging you down. I’ve had plenty of heart breaks with the most recent one happening just today. I couldn’t even get a girl whom I liked a lot and who liked me to go out with me. You can only try to make the best out life but there are things you cannot change. Some things in life are bound by reason and some things bound by situations. The situations are the reasons that sometimes the unfair things that are happen in life are unreasonable. The past is not to regret but to learn from but when the same reasons bug you down in the future, perhaps not much wrong in what you are doing and it’s got everything to do with the unfavourable condition one is born into. I like this girl and I want to be her saviour but if me trying to help will only makes her fumble in her already complicate situation, the best way for her to be happy is for me to stay away.
I have hopes and I’ll keep my fingers crossed hoping that she’d come to me someday with a smile and perhaps I can help her fix her broken life. In helping others, I heal myself. Joy is not something I’d like to achieve alone. A memory is what I want with the people I care about and the people who mean something to me. Life is about living every moment and knowing that there is someone else who can make your life better. I wish that I could be with her even in her darkest and demeaning hours and let her know that there is someone who wants to help her live a miserable life. T’s because there is someone just as miserable as her and who would be happy to make her happy just the way his parents made him happy as a child, giving her everything; both love and time.
The world is always complicated and it always seems to amuse me. If the world can go so wrong, it can also go so right. Nothing would me make me happy than her coming to me and saying that together we can create our own merry universe because I know that with her, its possible. I hope she figures out what she wants to do in life and I want to help her in any way possible. Everything is worth sacrificing for this girl. Her existence makes this world a part of a better universe.
The nihilist 