Month: March 2017

Reached for the secret too soon

I know I’m special but I’ve let too many things get in my way. I haven’t fulfilled half the potential I have. Reading about Syd Barret reminds me of the child I was who could have been as great as the maestro. It takes a genius to recognise a genius and I don’t mind ever being unnoticed. In my world where I make the rules, I am god.

Syd painted every wall of his house in a different colour. When the music he was making didn’t satisfy him, he became an artist. He knew that he possessed an immense talent and no one could really come close to him. I think if Syd had continued with Pink Floyd (given he was in the right state of mind), the band would have been even better. Syd lived in a different dimension which we can see in his early songs ‘Astronomy Domine’ and ‘Interstellar Overdrive’ which came out of space. The rest of the band knew that Syd deserved every credit for introducing the genre psychedelic rock to the world. Oh Syd, you’ve always shone like the sun.

I see a lot fo Syd in me. I was bad at painting so I never properly learned it. I can’t handle criticism. I can’t let anything out until it’s perfect if it means something to me. Syd gives me a hope that it’s okay to be a freak and have fuzzy hair. It’s okay to play music others simply don’t get. Syd makes me feel comfortable to be in my own world, doing whatever I want. This cold world has drained me and made me do things I don’t want to do. It’s encouraged me to follow a routine. I know my life would have been so much better if I’d grown up in a world where people weren’t’t judgemental about the things I do. I wish I was raised in a world where people didn’t bat an eye for growing up my own way with a colourful notebook and a colourful everything. In a world where you have to pretend to fit in, you will not grow. I dread the world I was brought up in where I grew up in a cynical system which didn’t motivate me to be myself. I hate the fact that I was judged before I was ready.

I wish that I could be who I want to be now but even now, though I’ve been enlightened, I do not have the freedom to do what I want. Because civilisation is too big, no one can live a life where one can survive in ignorance. I don’t want to go to work tomorrow. I don’t want to value money. I don’t want people to be mean to me. I want to smell and not shower and still be okay. I want this hair to grow because it wants to grow. I don’t want to get out of bed just because everyone else gets out of bed. Sometimes I know I’m wrong and childish, and that’s the point. I know that peace of mind is here to stay but in a busy world where I’m always mobile and having to adopt to change, anything meaningful will have no time to root and grow. I want to live in my own world where I wake up by the sea and bask in the sun, without having to become a corporate slave, exchange my efforts for some cotton and plan everything. When was the last time that I was free?  I don’t know.

I don’t want to change. I cannot live a life by someone elses rule. I don’t want money. I want peace. Why is it so hard to follow our dreams? If only we could really do what we want to do, we’d live a life in peace. This part of the world does not want me to be happy. It wants me to struggle. Life doesn’t have to be this way. I know that my happiness lies far away from the regular schedules and serving someone elses interest. I know that my happiness lies in discovering myself but the society is too judgemental for me to become myself. I know there’s a little bit of Syd inside me and having an insane idol keeps me sane. Remember when you were young, you shone like the sun?

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Happiness is a warm hug

We all make sacrifices but sometimes they turn out to be a huge mistake. You know you’ve made the best memories of your life with them but their best memory is based somewhere else. You can try your best and still not succeed. It’ll make you miserable. But the best thing to do is find a new meaning to life.

Love is one crazy son of a bitch. It can make you do things you’ve never imagined. We always want things to work out our way but whatever is going on in our life will always revokes. Sometimes the whole world will give you their blessing, but life doesn’t work out like a fairy tale. The endings are often bitter. You start with this immense feeling of belongingness  and in time you turn into something you are not. We don’t grow apart because we change, we grow apart because we grow. Movies, books and stories has made our world delusional. Happiness last came to me in a good-bye and I never knew it was going to be the last one. You never know because we always hope for the best; for things to last. Though we never intend for things to get things sour, while priming through life, we are the architect our own sorrow.

The more stories of other people you hear, the less miserable you feel about yourself. Sometimes its necessary not to give a fuck. I’ve enjoyed life in the small packages that it comes in and I intend for it to stay that way. You never know when the first hello tomorrow will be a warm hug that lasts your entire life.