Everyday life

A deeper understanding

You probably pity me my brother and I pity you. If there’s something I’ve learned in the past couple of years, it’s that the elders are not necessarily the wiser because many of us are mislead.

I know you care about me but you’re bringing me down. Just because you topped the class in college doesn’t make you smarter. If I have to label you anything, I’d call you an intelligent fool because you know so much but you do not understand the fact that we live in two different worlds. You have decided to flee to the US and work. I do not hold those ambitions, not unless it’s for the greater good of society. I feel sorry for you following the mainstream path of getting an education and getting a job.

I understand why education is important and I have my alternatives for not getting a degree at the moment. To me, knowledge is important, not a certificate. I know how I can get to the point better than you have reached. I know this because you have not seen the world. How do I know this? To start with, you have no respect for what I am doing. Nothing I do will ever seem right unless I do it your way. If only you could get yourself out of the corporate world and see right through to the real world, you would know how to live.

You’re blinded by the fact that you earn so much there. What you are doing is worthless and you are replaceable. You’re a corporate slave doing what you do to find a place in place in a competitive society, not trying to bring the change that is needed. You’re a drone bee and I do not intend my life to be that way. I have choices to make and figure out ways of how I can light up tomorrow. Sitting in a chair and following orders is not something I’m too compatible with. Though I lack experience, I know my potential, and the things I can do and I cannot. You, on the other hand, have been too far away to understand the lives we live here. You are finding comfort in creating someone else’s country and with your lack of innovation, you will not find anything worth doing here. You have set yourself in a trap. You might possess the skills that a first world country needs, but no one here is ready to pay you for the reputation you hold in the land of opportunities which I won’t be surprised if you call it a home. For someone who has already set a different mentality, I do not want you to come back and mess me around with the reputation you have earned by fixing someone else’s  problem.

Grow up brother. See reality as it is. I’ll work on what I’m best at and what I’m doing should not bother you. What your family has done for me is not the same as what you have done for me. You have no manners and you are trying to do something to feel good about yourself by taking away my freedom. If you have no respect for me, I hold no respect for you either. Don’t show me the silver lining of your life because I will not be happy following your path. Find yourself. You are out in your own thoughts. Only you can save yourself. I hope you figure out that there is more in this world than just money. It isn’t entirely power and it will never be my happiness.


The mind and the heart

When you’re in your teens or early twenties, you should rather be focused on developing yourself. Jumping too quick into something big has probably got to one of the biggest mistakes I have made.

There is no substitute for time at all. It’s the most important element of your investment. People will tell you so many stories of theirs when they’ve been simultaneously involved in half a dozen projects when they were starting up. Everyone will give you advises because it worked for them or because they made a mistake and learned from them. But it’s all advice. You do learn from other people’s mistake but everything you’ve gone through will give you your unique experience. Right now, I have too many things crammed in my head and I’m muddled. I’m at a point where I know what I’m good at but I don’t want to do it. Without motivation, the void is getting hollower every passing moment. I’m unable to work with efficiency because my inner light refuses to live a life so mundane. Oh, what have I got myself into. Burning down the bridges has got me into a heap of trouble but I know that better things are there for me to achieve.
While I’d like to start something on my own, I know that I’ll have to be incredibly patient. The things I want to achieve in life will ever be fulfilled if I work on it consistently. I have lost the will to do something I thrived for ages ago. By learning from someone’s experience, I’ve known even before I start that in the future, there’s a dead-end. Why would I go after something when I know the game is a loop, so the dead-end is actually never-ending. One, the unique number, is what I’m after. How do I become different that someone else? How can I walk the streets every day and see feel no one else can comprehend? Knowing that what I’m doing to do is going to lead me is deafeningly sad. There is so much pain in knowing and ignorance truly is bliss. Mad people have happier lives than the merry people who always seek for a reason to live. The days go by and everything seems the same but deep inside everyone is changing. We’re either getting frustrated every day, giving up on what we want to do, or either striving vigorously to achieve what you want because you know what you want to do. And then there’s the rest of us in limbo, with no idea what’s up next for us. Deep inside, we’re al dying because of something.
There’s a long list of things I want to achieve. I know that everything is reachable but I can only go for one thing at a time. If you try to get the best of both worlds, you’re only piling the misery. One person told me that the hardest thing is to be consistent on what you’re working on. I refuse to believe in him. To me, the hardest things are to figure out what you want to do. If you find out what is it that you truly love, you will love the pain it brings. When you’re working on something you love, you always compromise, not sacrifice. When if feels that it’s not worth the extra effort or whatever you do is meaningless and only a helm to pass another day, it’s time to get out. Though I really wanted to become loyal to people or an institution, staying in one place for too long will drive you bonkers. Every day should be like the first day of spring when you feel that today is a better day than yesterday. Today should be brighter and warmer, the flowers should bloom, the bees should come out and the rain should drizzle. Not all places will feel like home and not all people are here to stay. You should understand that so many things you do are meaningless and you only do it to keep up and live another day. Every day you are unmotivated and feel worthless will draw you closer to your death. Figure out yourself and find out what it makes you happy because no one can find your happiness for you. In every phase of life, you have to move on to an another stage.
The nihilist in me knows that happiness is just a state of mind. It understands the physical needs and the psychological needs. We need both of them to survive. It put me in a place where I’d never want stay and I die every day knowing that I bit off more than I could chew. I never even got close to my potential but I know who I am. This is just a bad time for me. Someday, everything will make sense and I am all but a ghost right now, with no idea of what I’m doing and only making things worse and scaring people. I know that there’s a lot I want to do but I’m not ready. The lessons I’ve learned have made me resilient, or else, this frustration would have galloped me by now. As for now, I still search for what connects my body and my soul. I’m alive, I’m breathing, but I what I need to do is live.

Happiness is a warm hug

We all make sacrifices but sometimes they turn out to be a huge mistake. You know you’ve made the best memories of your life with them but their best memory is based somewhere else. You can try your best and still not succeed. It’ll make you miserable. But the best thing to do is find a new meaning to life.

Love is one crazy son of a bitch. It can make you do things you’ve never imagined. We always want things to work out our way but whatever is going on in our life will always revokes. Sometimes the whole world will give you their blessing, but life doesn’t work out like a fairy tale. The endings are often bitter. You start with this immense feeling of belongingness  and in time you turn into something you are not. We don’t grow apart because we change, we grow apart because we grow. Movies, books and stories has made our world delusional. Happiness last came to me in a good-bye and I never knew it was going to be the last one. You never know because we always hope for the best; for things to last. Though we never intend for things to get things sour, while priming through life, we are the architect our own sorrow.

The more stories of other people you hear, the less miserable you feel about yourself. Sometimes its necessary not to give a fuck. I’ve enjoyed life in the small packages that it comes in and I intend for it to stay that way. You never know when the first hello tomorrow will be a warm hug that lasts your entire life.

And they almost devoured me

I always feared this moment: the moment I’d turn myself into someone else. But I know where I came from and that I should keep both my feet on the ground. I was born to serve and serve I will; to make this world a more liveable.

As I just watched the movie Parched, I felt an obligation to bring the much-needed change that society needs. We all know of the social evils that society accepts. People who have made rules loathe change but change is important. Everything that is new might sound strange, might not ring bells or go easy on the ear, but with time we need to know of the greater evils accepted by our society. To stand alone in a crowd with your moral obligations will be frightening and you might be shredded into pieces for standing up, but you should do the right thing and challenge societal norms if they are primitive and unreasonable. Nepalese might have all the wealth in the world, but they’re not civil yet. As Aristotle puts it, ‘There’s no point in educating the mind without educating the heart.’

Let us all be good human being and live outside of our jobs for a while. A busy schedule that makes you work like a machine will make you forget your responsibilities of being a human being. We learned to live in a community millenniums ago but we’ve forgotten to live. We live in an age where everybody is so busy trying to make a living that they forget to live their lives. What good is the money you earn if your hard work only brings a smile on you face? If you really want to be happy, know that happiness grows when it’s shared. Be the reason for a smile on somebody’s face and do this every day. Let someone know that there are good people in this world who have arms wide open and filled with love for strangers whom they did not know even exist. Provide someone with some assistance and get them out of a pickle. Make their burden yours. There’s no point in sleeping over a pile of money. There’s no point in getting drunk every Friday night for pleasure. There’s no need to be disciplined by society and turn you into a slave in this corporate wold. Live free with an open mind and clean heart. Live to serve humanity. Live to love.
And I really hope that someday someone we will get rid of all our miseries. I know life is tough with pharmaceutical companies, arms dealers , and unethical bankers and businessmen, but there are some of us who are ethical too. It’s okay to be frustrated knowing the fact that we’ve been let down by the very people who care about us, but it’s not their fault that they aren’t enlightened. It is out fault if we know that change is needed but we do not act on it. It is up to us to show the world that it can be all rainbows and butterflies if we wish for it. Spread the love, bring the change. Be ethical and prosper in what is rightfully yours.
The way we can change the world is by empathy. Learn the reason for our existence. We live on a planet that we commonly share. The only way to live is in harmony. Throw away your vanity. Throw away your clothes and go skinny-dipping in the river. Know that there is so much the world has to offer. Live the life you’ve always dreamed of. Dream big, dream right, dream for a prosperous tomorrow.