Lunatic

The 3 Mistakes of my Life

  1. Following my dreams but not working on it
    Friends envy the fact that I follow my dreams but I’ve been poor on implementing the initial long term plan that I had. Perhaps I lack consistency because great ideas come consistently to my head making me lose focus on what I’d planned earlier and not working on my plans when I’m in the driving seat. I hope it’s not my laziness that’s kicked in and I do need to learn how to concentrate and manage time.
  2. Befriending people who let me down
    I’ve had a soft spot for people and loyalty has meant so much to me but in the end, people move on intentionally or unintentionally. Perhaps I’ve been forgiving people who do not deserve a second chance or sticking around people who have lower esteem than me. Not finding the people of my same intellectual level is drawing me down. Since no one has gone through life the way I have gone and have not had the great experience I have had, I’m poles apart from people I surround myself with. I’m surrounded by nice people who admire me and it gives me warmth, but I haven’t surrounded myself with people who can bring the best out of me.
  3. Not working on my talent and letting society get my nerves
    I was gifted an encyclopaedia as a kid so I had a natural nag of knowing things others wouldn’t know. I was good at computer games when personal computer was rare in the world. The one of the best guitarist, artist, photographer and boxer has agreed on making me their apprentice and I’ve accepted none of them. Though I have rebelled, I’ve still let society and routines take me on their mediocre path. Journalism has taught me things no other occupation or people could have taught me and I’ve not made the most out of it. I know I have great potential but without working on it, the talent will never be able to bring an outcome.

Reached for the secret too soon

I know I’m special but I’ve let too many things get in my way. I haven’t fulfilled half the potential I have. Reading about Syd Barret reminds me of the child I was who could have been as great as the maestro. It takes a genius to recognise a genius and I don’t mind ever being unnoticed. In my world where I make the rules, I am god.

Syd painted every wall of his house in a different colour. When the music he was making didn’t satisfy him, he became an artist. He knew that he possessed an immense talent and no one could really come close to him. I think if Syd had continued with Pink Floyd (given he was in the right state of mind), the band would have been even better. Syd lived in a different dimension which we can see in his early songs ‘Astronomy Domine’ and ‘Interstellar Overdrive’ which came out of space. The rest of the band knew that Syd deserved every credit for introducing the genre psychedelic rock to the world. Oh Syd, you’ve always shone like the sun.

I see a lot fo Syd in me. I was bad at painting so I never properly learned it. I can’t handle criticism. I can’t let anything out until it’s perfect if it means something to me. Syd gives me a hope that it’s okay to be a freak and have fuzzy hair. It’s okay to play music others simply don’t get. Syd makes me feel comfortable to be in my own world, doing whatever I want. This cold world has drained me and made me do things I don’t want to do. It’s encouraged me to follow a routine. I know my life would have been so much better if I’d grown up in a world where people weren’t’t judgemental about the things I do. I wish I was raised in a world where people didn’t bat an eye for growing up my own way with a colourful notebook and a colourful everything. In a world where you have to pretend to fit in, you will not grow. I dread the world I was brought up in where I grew up in a cynical system which didn’t motivate me to be myself. I hate the fact that I was judged before I was ready.

I wish that I could be who I want to be now but even now, though I’ve been enlightened, I do not have the freedom to do what I want. Because civilisation is too big, no one can live a life where one can survive in ignorance. I don’t want to go to work tomorrow. I don’t want to value money. I don’t want people to be mean to me. I want to smell and not shower and still be okay. I want this hair to grow because it wants to grow. I don’t want to get out of bed just because everyone else gets out of bed. Sometimes I know I’m wrong and childish, and that’s the point. I know that peace of mind is here to stay but in a busy world where I’m always mobile and having to adopt to change, anything meaningful will have no time to root and grow. I want to live in my own world where I wake up by the sea and bask in the sun, without having to become a corporate slave, exchange my efforts for some cotton and plan everything. When was the last time that I was free?  I don’t know.

I don’t want to change. I cannot live a life by someone elses rule. I don’t want money. I want peace. Why is it so hard to follow our dreams? If only we could really do what we want to do, we’d live a life in peace. This part of the world does not want me to be happy. It wants me to struggle. Life doesn’t have to be this way. I know that my happiness lies far away from the regular schedules and serving someone elses interest. I know that my happiness lies in discovering myself but the society is too judgemental for me to become myself. I know there’s a little bit of Syd inside me and having an insane idol keeps me sane. Remember when you were young, you shone like the sun?

Imbeciles

Admit the fact that we’re all stupid. Everyone is stupid but some people are more stupid than others.

There will always be people with a better experience than you have. Even if you’re the best in the world at something, it doesn’t guarantee you everything. If you’re good at something, you probably know all the tricks in the book. When something new comes up, you’ll always have trouble. Though this is a bad advice, always question the experts. Trust me, there is always more than one way to do a thing. Some people are not as creative and they’ll not get what you’re doing. There are some things we learn by the books while there are other things we learn from mistakes. The important thing is that you learn and if people humiliate you for not knowing something, show them who has the last laugh.

Competitions will get the best out of you but some fights are not worthy of the challenge. Choose wisely when you’re making an argument. Sometimes you seem to lose because of others opinion in which case you’re still in the race. After all, the world is full of imbeciles.

Mein Universe

When I was a kid, I thought I was the most important being on this planet and all other humans are pretending to live their lives, trying to make the world seem normal; simply adjusting to make my life wonderful. I was so wrong.

For quite some time my parents brought me up like the Buddha. I’d get everything I’d ever want. If I demanded, my dad would come home from work with a ton of chocolate and toys. I’m so glad they were always there, fulfilling every silly demand but then there came a point when I realised that life was not something in their control. The world full of miseries soon came by. My uncles passed away; three of my mothers elder brothers wiped out by scary diseases. The future since them have seemed so uncertain and I wished I could do something to change their fate. We cannot bend the rules of life. We abide them from existence till we perish. In time I realised that it is so easy to fall apart. To get something intact and working in a system is difficult. Sometimes you get it wrong and sometimes you lose the motivation to go on.

It is difficult to focus on life when there are things that are bugging you down. I’ve had plenty of heart breaks with the most recent one happening just today. I couldn’t even get a girl whom I liked a lot and who liked me to go out with me. You can only try to make the best out life but there are things you cannot change. Some things in life are bound by reason and some things bound by situations. The situations are the reasons that sometimes the unfair things that are happen in life are unreasonable. The past is not to regret but to learn from but when the same reasons bug you down in the future, perhaps not much wrong in what you are doing and it’s got everything to do with the unfavourable condition one is born into. I like this girl and I want to be her saviour but if me trying to help will only makes her fumble in her already complicate situation, the best way for her to be happy is for me to stay away.

I have hopes and I’ll keep my fingers crossed hoping that she’d come to me someday with a smile and perhaps I can help her fix her broken life. In helping others, I heal myself. Joy is not something I’d like to achieve alone. A memory is what I want with the people I care about and the people who mean something to me. Life is about living every moment and knowing that there is someone else who can make your life better. I wish that I could be with her even in her darkest and demeaning hours and let her know that there is someone who wants to help her live a miserable life. T’s because there is someone just as miserable as her and who would be happy to make her happy just the way his parents made him happy as a child, giving her everything; both love and time.

The world is always complicated and it always seems to amuse me. If the world can go so wrong, it can also go so right. Nothing would me make me happy than her coming to me and saying that together we can create our own merry universe because I know that with her, its possible. I hope she figures out what she wants to do in life and I want to help her in any way possible. Everything is worth sacrificing for this girl. Her existence makes this world a part of a better universe.