Lunatic

Imbeciles

Admit the fact that we’re all stupid. Everyone is stupid but some people are more stupid than others.

There will always be people with a better experience than you have. Even if you’re the best in the world at something, it doesn’t guarantee you everything. If you’re good at something, you probably know all the tricks in the book. When something new comes up, you’ll always have trouble. Though this is a bad advice, always question the experts. Trust me, there is always more than one way to do a thing. Some people are not as creative and they’ll not get what you’re doing. There are some things who learn by the books while there are other things we learn from mistakes. The important thing is that you learn and if people humiliate you for not knowing something, show them who has the last laugh.

Competitions will get the best out of you but some fights are not worth the challenge. Choose wisely when you’re making an argument. Sometimes you seem to lose because of others opinion in which case you still have the last laugh. After all, the world is full of imbeciles.

Mein Universe

When I was a kid, I thought I was the most important being on this planet and all other humans are pretending to live their lives, trying to make the world seem normal; simply adjusting to make my life wonderful. I was so wrong.

For quite some time my parents brought me up like the Buddha. I’d get everything I’d ever want. If I demanded, my dad would come home from work with a ton of chocolate and toys. I’m so glad they were always there, fulfilling every silly demand but then there came a point when I realised that life was not something in their control. The world full of miseries soon came by. My uncles passed away; three of my mothers elder brothers wiped out by scary diseases. The future since them have seemed so uncertain and I wished I could do something to change their fate. We cannot bend the rules of life. We abide them from existence till we perish. In time I realised that it is so easy to fall apart. To get something intact and working in a system is difficult. Sometimes you get it wrong and sometimes you lose the motivation to go on.

It is difficult to focus on life when there are things that are bugging you down. I’ve had plenty of heart breaks with the most recent one happening just today. I couldn’t even get a girl whom I liked a lot and who liked me to go out with me. You can only try to make the best out life but there are things you cannot change. Some things in life are bound by reason and some things bound by situations. The situations are the reasons that sometimes the unfair things that are happen in life are unreasonable. The past is not to regret but to learn from but when the same reasons bug you down in the future, perhaps not much wrong in what you are doing and it’s got everything to do with the unfavourable condition one is born into. I like this girl and I want to be her saviour but if me trying to help will only makes her fumble in her already complicate situation, the best way for her to be happy is for me to stay away.

I have hopes and I’ll keep my fingers crossed hoping that she’d come to me someday with a smile and perhaps I can help her fix her broken life. In helping others, I heal myself. Joy is not something I’d like to achieve alone. A memory is what I want with the people I care about and the people who mean something to me. Life is about living every moment and knowing that there is someone else who can make your life better. I wish that I could be with her even in her darkest and demeaning hours and let her know that there is someone who wants to help her live a miserable life. T’s because there is someone just as miserable as her and who would be happy to make her happy just the way his parents made him happy as a child, giving her everything; both love and time.

The world is always complicated and it always seems to amuse me. If the world can go so wrong, it can also go so right. Nothing would me make me happy than her coming to me and saying that together we can create our own merry universe because I know that with her, its possible. I hope she figures out what she wants to do in life and I want to help her in any way possible. Everything is worth sacrificing for this girl. Her existence makes this world a part of a better universe.

Table Talks

Oh these days they’re really short
They pass by without me getting anything done
Sometimes in the noon I’d like to meet my friends
Or perhaps go somewhere silent and read a book
But every noon I’m stuck in a room
With tables, chairs and blue-tinted windows
Confined in a space where I’m far away from trees
There’s life around but there’s nothing I can feel
I ponder why there’s so much noise
I need the wilderness to get me a voice
Though I know I’m working on my dream
It’s not as pretty as I thought it would be
I need to settle somewhere far, far away
So I can feel love and day-dream
Because the urban life is not what I want
I’d never revel in this vicinity
Though this is the most beautiful city in the world
I seldom move around and give my ancestors a bow
What a wonderful world they have built
What a shame there’s no prettiness in what we build
There’s no beauty in this modern world, it’s only technology
And man-made rules so tight and cruel
Somewhere, something went wrong
But it’s a world that needs saving
I don’t think we need a drastic change
I just want us to live more and love more

Losing my religion

“All writers seem to be lost”

Stuck in a haze in middle age. Caressing my palms. Feeling the dryness of my lips. Flicking my tongue. Closing my eyes. Taking a deep breath. I’ve tipped off balance. I don’t know where I stand.

Silence can drive you with madness. They say you should surround yourself with good people. I surround myself with no one. I hate it how everyone is busy. I’m busy myself; it’s the biggest drag. I’m not just stuck in a maze, but I’m stuck between the devil and the deep blue seas. I cannot find me. It’s lost. It’s gone. I’ve become average. I’ve become what I’ve dreaded.

There was a time I used to be ignorant and I used to be happy. Hemingway was right. Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing. I pity that miserable bastard for the sarcastic comment on himself, but perhaps I’m one o them. In trying to save the world, I forgot I was only putting myself down. Why should I sacrifice myself when others do not even want to hear? I’d found hope a while ago, and now I’ve lost faith. I’m a nowhere man.
I cannot find happiness in ignorance. Where can I find it? Most people find it in religion and in my world, it does not exist. Maybe it is there in love, and every day I believe less in it. Some find it in greed which never worked for me. There only happiness in incomprehension, and I’ve become too smart to return to this phase. I cannot go back to stupidity and there is no way I can be sane.

Yesterday I fell in love with someone and today it faded away. When logic can explain everything, your world becomes binary. It’s either true or false. It either works or it won’t. There is no belief. There is no hope. Now I don’t believe in religion and I don’t believe in science. It’s something else that’s so beyond. I don’t know what. Being a sane person in this world is driving me into insanity. I find answers and I find its defects. Reality makes me weep. The world is an utter disappointment. I changed but the people didn’t. I tried to live, but they didn’t let me. The world has let me down. Its pulled the trigger with a smile on its face. You.. you there.. what have you done?

Yesterday caffeine worked. Nicotine before that. Alcohol too. Drugs never worked on me and spirituality made me believe, but it cannot always be present with me. I did all I can to battle addiction, but I only lost my mind. The more you learn, the less you know. The further one travels, the less one knows. If only listening to The Beatles solved everything. I’ve lost it all. I’ve become an alien. I think I’m the perfect example to be me, but I’m a weirdo to others. I plea not to follow me, because the lunatic is in my head. I know so much and I hate the fact that it makes me miserable.

I thought I’d discovered myself, but I’ve lost myself again. Can I play with madness? Can I deal with miracles? Will I find what I’m looking for or will I create the love machine? Will tomorrow be a better day than today? It certainly won’t because those who love society this way will revolt against change.