Nostalgia

That birthday gift

Dad’s birthday is coming and I was wondering what I should gift him? But then I recalled this gift I’d given him as a kid which I believe is something he’ll forever cherish. It certainly is something my family cherishes forever.

As a kid, my dad used to hang out a lot with his friends. They had a crib in Jyatha, a place close to Thamel where I’d often end up after school. I’d be watching action reality shows such as Fear Factor and Who Dares Wins on tape or playing uncle Yoshida’s Gameboy Color in the Japanese uncle’s apartment. Dad and his friends would be playing Mahjong, drinking beer or strong coffee, smoking cigarettes and a bamboo hookah while I’d be stuffing myself with unlimited Japanese candy. In a way, I liked his company even though it was dangerous because there used to be an actual handgun in the room which was so heavy I couldn’t carry even by using both hands (it did not have the magazine and no one ever got shot). So well, I’m just giving you a gist of what it was like.

The other hangout was this place called Hot Pot, a restaurant in Thamel. Dad and co. would often go there and gig on a normal night. But I don’t think dad went there after a while because I remember that most of the time, the ground floor of my house used to my dad’s pack of wolves’ favourite domain. They’d come to my house and bring me Chicken Crackers and Frooti. I’d munch on the snacks and play computer games (Mario, GTA2, Outlaw, Jedi Night, Road Rash, Timon and Pumba …) while the company would have their good time. Mom used to be upset about his dad’s friends hanging out while I was in the room because there were often times when uncles would bring tobacco and roll on paper, and smoke till the tobacco ran out. In fact, my mom hated that dad was smoking while I was in the room but it went on for quite some time; years, I mean.

So one day I’m at school and my teachers tell me that smoking is bad. Though I did not know how bad, I knew that my dad had a bad habit. Because he was my dad, I thought he was Superman and he could do nothing wrong, but I realised that I had to make him kick his habit (probably because mom was angry about it too). One day after school, I took out my GK book which had two small pictures of a no smoking sign and posted it in the room my dad and his friends would hang out. I did it impulsively without thinking too much on his birthday. I don’t remember his expression or what he told me or exactly when he stopped smoking but I know that things changed after that. He did quit smoking. After a while, he limited on his drinking and now he’s straight edge (drinks rarely though. I think. Don’t remember the last time he held beer). When I was a kid, he was a chain smoker who smoked way too much and I can only remember it in flashes because now it’s been way too long (at least 15 years) since I last saw him take one. Perhaps it’s because he was able to get rid of this habits that I could kick out a lot of my bad habits.

Dad’s always been an inspiration and he’s taught me so many things which make me different. Maybe I didn’t inherit the electric, table tennis or cooking skills that he has, but, well, I think it’s not the blueprint but the recipe of working things out that I’ve inherited. He’s the most awesome person I know and I’m proud that I have the most awesome dad.

P.S. Happy birthday pops.

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Happiness is a warm hug

We all make sacrifices but sometimes they turn out to be a huge mistake. You know you’ve made the best memories of your life with them but their best memory is based somewhere else. You can try your best and still not succeed. It’ll make you miserable. But the best thing to do is find a new meaning to life.

Love is one crazy son of a bitch. It can make you do things you’ve never imagined. We always want things to work out our way but whatever is going on in our life will always revokes. Sometimes the whole world will give you their blessing, but life doesn’t work out like a fairy tale. The endings are often bitter. You start with this immense feeling of belongingness  and in time you turn into something you are not. We don’t grow apart because we change, we grow apart because we grow. Movies, books and stories has made our world delusional. Happiness last came to me in a good-bye and I never knew it was going to be the last one. You never know because we always hope for the best; for things to last. Though we never intend for things to get things sour, while priming through life, we are the architect our own sorrow.

The more stories of other people you hear, the less miserable you feel about yourself. Sometimes its necessary not to give a fuck. I’ve enjoyed life in the small packages that it comes in and I intend for it to stay that way. You never know when the first hello tomorrow will be a warm hug that lasts your entire life.

Mein Universe

When I was a kid, I thought I was the most important being on this planet and all other humans are pretending to live their lives, trying to make the world seem normal; simply adjusting to make my life wonderful. I was so wrong.

For quite some time my parents brought me up like the Buddha. I’d get everything I’d ever want. If I demanded, my dad would come home from work with a ton of chocolate and toys. I’m so glad they were always there, fulfilling every silly demand but then there came a point when I realised that life was not something in their control. The world full of miseries soon came by. My uncles passed away; three of my mothers elder brothers wiped out by scary diseases. The future since them have seemed so uncertain and I wished I could do something to change their fate. We cannot bend the rules of life. We abide them from existence till we perish. In time I realised that it is so easy to fall apart. To get something intact and working in a system is difficult. Sometimes you get it wrong and sometimes you lose the motivation to go on.

It is difficult to focus on life when there are things that are bugging you down. I’ve had plenty of heart breaks with the most recent one happening just today. I couldn’t even get a girl whom I liked a lot and who liked me to go out with me. You can only try to make the best out life but there are things you cannot change. Some things in life are bound by reason and some things bound by situations. The situations are the reasons that sometimes the unfair things that are happen in life are unreasonable. The past is not to regret but to learn from but when the same reasons bug you down in the future, perhaps not much wrong in what you are doing and it’s got everything to do with the unfavourable condition one is born into. I like this girl and I want to be her saviour but if me trying to help will only makes her fumble in her already complicate situation, the best way for her to be happy is for me to stay away.

I have hopes and I’ll keep my fingers crossed hoping that she’d come to me someday with a smile and perhaps I can help her fix her broken life. In helping others, I heal myself. Joy is not something I’d like to achieve alone. A memory is what I want with the people I care about and the people who mean something to me. Life is about living every moment and knowing that there is someone else who can make your life better. I wish that I could be with her even in her darkest and demeaning hours and let her know that there is someone who wants to help her live a miserable life. T’s because there is someone just as miserable as her and who would be happy to make her happy just the way his parents made him happy as a child, giving her everything; both love and time.

The world is always complicated and it always seems to amuse me. If the world can go so wrong, it can also go so right. Nothing would me make me happy than her coming to me and saying that together we can create our own merry universe because I know that with her, its possible. I hope she figures out what she wants to do in life and I want to help her in any way possible. Everything is worth sacrificing for this girl. Her existence makes this world a part of a better universe.

Remember the days

It’s the small moments that we’ll always remember
The first hello, the goodbyes and the I hope I’ll see you again
The sweetness that lingers and the pain that leaves us in shreds
And it’s amazing how time heals everything
But emotions can run you over at any moment
In an instance, in an accidental sight
A song from the past, or the glimpse of a photograph
Our histories remain untouched and unchanged
And how sad we are deep inside
When on the outside we appear to smile
Because something so right somewhere went horrible wrong
The adorable ones became the untouchables
And these thoughts come back to you on a cold lonely winter’s day
It’s amazing how we lived through each of this moments
And we let it slide and slip away
Couldn’t we have mended it someway?
Couldn’t our love have lasted for years?
Some couples in the past, how out-of-place they seemed
And with six years between them, entwined they live
It could have been us, but you decided otherwise
Love goes two-way, it won’t work for just one of us
And today I feel sad
Because even now I project us
It’s just the matter of what we want in life
In each other’s lives where happiness is what it’s all about
Perhaps I dream of you in colours but you never see me
And those moments of wonder, to you was just a whisker
Maybe I was to you just one of them
And to me you were once the world
Every time you say heyo, I feel sad
Because the love reignites, but there’s no fuel for fire
How miserable your existence has made me
And how I wish this heart would grow, and
Would learn to forget the moments that once meant more