Nostalgia

Happiness is a warm hug

We all make sacrifices but sometimes they turn out to be a huge mistake. You know you’ve made the best memories of your life with them but their best memory is based somewhere else. You can try your best and still not succeed. It’ll make you miserable. But the best thing to do is find a new meaning to life.

Love is one crazy son of a bitch. It can make you do things you’ve never imagined. We always want things to work out our way but whatever is going on in our life will always revokes. Sometimes the whole world will give you their blessing, but life doesn’t work out like a fairy tale. The endings are often bitter. You start with this immense feeling of belongingness  and in time you turn into something you are not. We don’t grow apart because we change, we grow apart because we grow. Movies, books and stories has made our world delusional. Happiness last came to me in a good-bye and I never knew it was going to be the last one. You never know because we always hope for the best; for things to last. Though we never intend for things to get things sour, while priming through life, we are the architect our own sorrow.

The more stories of other people you hear, the less miserable you feel about yourself. Sometimes its necessary not to give a fuck. I’ve enjoyed life in the small packages that it comes in and I intend for it to stay that way. You never know when the first hello tomorrow will be a warm hug that lasts your entire life.

Mein Universe

When I was a kid, I thought I was the most important being on this planet and all other humans are pretending to live their lives, trying to make the world seem normal; simply adjusting to make my life wonderful. I was so wrong.

For quite some time my parents brought me up like the Buddha. I’d get everything I’d ever want. If I demanded, my dad would come home from work with a ton of chocolate and toys. I’m so glad they were always there, fulfilling every silly demand but then there came a point when I realised that life was not something in their control. The world full of miseries soon came by. My uncles passed away; three of my mothers elder brothers wiped out by scary diseases. The future since them have seemed so uncertain and I wished I could do something to change their fate. We cannot bend the rules of life. We abide them from existence till we perish. In time I realised that it is so easy to fall apart. To get something intact and working in a system is difficult. Sometimes you get it wrong and sometimes you lose the motivation to go on.

It is difficult to focus on life when there are things that are bugging you down. I’ve had plenty of heart breaks with the most recent one happening just today. I couldn’t even get a girl whom I liked a lot and who liked me to go out with me. You can only try to make the best out life but there are things you cannot change. Some things in life are bound by reason and some things bound by situations. The situations are the reasons that sometimes the unfair things that are happen in life are unreasonable. The past is not to regret but to learn from but when the same reasons bug you down in the future, perhaps not much wrong in what you are doing and it’s got everything to do with the unfavourable condition one is born into. I like this girl and I want to be her saviour but if me trying to help will only makes her fumble in her already complicate situation, the best way for her to be happy is for me to stay away.

I have hopes and I’ll keep my fingers crossed hoping that she’d come to me someday with a smile and perhaps I can help her fix her broken life. In helping others, I heal myself. Joy is not something I’d like to achieve alone. A memory is what I want with the people I care about and the people who mean something to me. Life is about living every moment and knowing that there is someone else who can make your life better. I wish that I could be with her even in her darkest and demeaning hours and let her know that there is someone who wants to help her live a miserable life. T’s because there is someone just as miserable as her and who would be happy to make her happy just the way his parents made him happy as a child, giving her everything; both love and time.

The world is always complicated and it always seems to amuse me. If the world can go so wrong, it can also go so right. Nothing would me make me happy than her coming to me and saying that together we can create our own merry universe because I know that with her, its possible. I hope she figures out what she wants to do in life and I want to help her in any way possible. Everything is worth sacrificing for this girl. Her existence makes this world a part of a better universe.

Remember the days

It’s the small moments that we’ll always remember
The first hello, the goodbyes and the I hope I’ll see you again
The sweetness that lingers and the pain that leaves us in shreds
And it’s amazing how time heals everything
But emotions can run you over at any moment
In an instance, in an accidental sight
A song from the past, or the glimpse of a photograph
Our histories remain untouched and unchanged
And how sad we are deep inside
When on the outside we appear to smile
Because something so right somewhere went horrible wrong
The adorable ones became the untouchables
And these thoughts come back to you on a cold lonely winter’s day
It’s amazing how we lived through each of this moments
And we let it slide and slip away
Couldn’t we have mended it someway?
Couldn’t our love have lasted for years?
Some couples in the past, how out-of-place they seemed
And with six years between them, entwined they live
It could have been us, but you decided otherwise
Love goes two-way, it won’t work for just one of us
And today I feel sad
Because even now I project us
It’s just the matter of what we want in life
In each other’s lives where happiness is what it’s all about
Perhaps I dream of you in colours but you never see me
And those moments of wonder, to you was just a whisker
Maybe I was to you just one of them
And to me you were once the world
Every time you say heyo, I feel sad
Because the love reignites, but there’s no fuel for fire
How miserable your existence has made me
And how I wish this heart would grow, and
Would learn to forget the moments that once meant more

Friends

I’d been a sad little sod a while back when it felt like I didn’t have any friends anymore, but it turns out they were away on their on expeditions while I was on mine.

The friends you’ve had when you were growing up are a bunch that’s gonna stick around for some time. You can spend hours talking about useless shit and the good times of the past. Well, some are assholes who remain out of contact when we try so hard to initiate a phone conversation but believe me when I tell you that they’re as glad to meet you when you finally get together. I’ve been an introvert and I don’t speak too much but today I didn’t feel like one of them. Today I was a confident person, speaking at will, being mocked, mocking others, recalling the shit that happened so many years ago and it turns out I’ve not forgotten any moment of those childhood days. Now to recall, my school days don’t feel so sad anymore because I have this useless bunch with whom I can just hang around and do some mischief when in town.

I always wanted friends who were on the same page as I am in but we never really were in one. We’re in different walks of life, even right now when I’m trying to settle my life and they’ve still not started doing anything. I’ve learned so much in their absence but I really want folks with whom I can hang around when I know I could have used that valuable time to read a book, but friends are as important as my career. No one wants a funeral where none of their friends are present, do they? I still have a young image of my friends who now have beards and bikes. I will always be able to recall those small moments of school when we were mindless hooligans doing such silly stuff, trying to act cool. We were a menace to our teachers who had a hard time trying to keep kids in control because we never had a purpose besides having fun. Those days were wicked. I recall all the silly things we did back then that has become such a strong memory. All it takes is us getting back on a table and were back to our barbarian selves, speaking in a loud voice and being so inconsiderate that there could be kids overhearing stories they shouldn’t hear.

I’m glad always now that I’m not alone in this selfish pecking-every-pound-from-the-pocket world. There are people I can still rely on. How I wish we’d come up with a plan to start a business as friends, like open a restaurant where we can hang all day without having to pay. We really need a crib where we can crash in and meet up with each other. I really felt bad about myself today cause I don’t even eat meat or drink beer anymore, but it’s okay to still have a personal interest different from the group. Perhaps I’ll be the guy taking the embarrassing video when even is drunk as fuck.

Well, I have my new friends too and they’re young and smart ones. The important thing is that I treat everyone equally because we are all special in our own majestic way. It just happens that friends lose touch because we have different interests. All my friends are into their different fields and the people I’ve met in mine are interesting people who help me more ahead with my goals. To me, from today, everyone is a top priority and perhaps it’s time to abolish the anguish of past memories.

I love these assholes though they live far, far away but they’re not settled there. They’ll be back. It’s just a year till everyone begins to flood back to the country with their exquisite and excruciating stories and I’m eager to hear them.

It’s a beautiful world when you know you’re not alone.