The final blog

Well, this is it, the end. There’s no turning from here. It’s an end to this nihilistic journey. Things have changed so much over the years. I refused to become someone else but I think I’ve given in now. I am not the same person who started this. I don’t look the same, I don’t feel the same, I don’t think the same. Change was imminent and I believe I’ve gone through some bitter sweet transitions. Betrayal, progress and iteration has added some meaning to this world now. I cannot stand in denial of everything that’s existed because I have seemingly found a meaning in this world. I still have a lot to learn but I have learned more now. Things are much clearer and there is more to life than there was before. Sails have to be let loose so one can reach their destination. We sometimes sway away far to an unknown land and now it is time to treasure these new found lands. I might as well stand up now and fulfil the destiny I am yet to create. The nihilist has served its purpose. Now is the time of the existentialist.


The fool

It goes both ways

Of that I’m sure

Some don’t realise

And I was one of them

For you would cry I know

A river would flow in tears

Because some things take time

And sometimes all you need to do

Is look at what you’ve been through

To realise how beautiful

Our moments have been

That if life would end

The other would suffer much more pain

Some people mean more than others

And you to me are my jewel

The beauty others don’t recognise

The understanding others cannot have

Thoughts you thought you couldn’t share

The laughter and the care

The hugs held close to the heart

And every moment that we share

I am a fool for I did not realise

That you’ve always had me in your mind

That my sadness is as much yours

The burden and grief you’d carry for me

For life is endless and people change

But we’ll live enough to see it through

For life is long and people we forget

But love stays and we bury regrets

You to me are too precious

And I know I am to you

You to me are the most beautiful

And though I’ve tried hard to get way

Some bonds are too strong to break

Love goes two ways

Of that I’m sure

And we will never let go


Never returned his diamonds
What price a star without a sparkle
Creating a sensation that we’ve heard
From the other star ad infunitum
Creating the right sort of splash with what you say is an art form
For the rich, beautiful and famous
For a girl who wants to be a star on her own horizon
But somehow when stardom strikes
The witty remarks suddenly disappear
Written all over some would say
Behind the stars there’s a history
Behind every carefully chosen word
Here’s what you can learn from the bling
From their sensational selves
We’ve heard this of course
They’ve all mouthed their chestnut at some point
If there’s a wedding right now
Will you speculate about its future?
The same goes for who’s not too sure
Some folks like to keep matters of the heart close to the heart
That working round the clock
Wearing your heart on your sleeve
Letting your eyes follow your affection
Expecting nobody to find out
That a certain someone has become rather special
‘Just friends’ do not gaze soulfully into each other’s eyes

Taking the step

I once tried to set up a friend of mine with a friend of mine and she said she didn’t want a boyfriend because she’s been too hurt in the past. I thought she was stupid and talked shit, and now I’m in the same darn situation. So yes, I’m being stupid and I’m talking shit. Everybody deserves love mate. Everybody.

I grew up a Beatles fan and I always heed the words of John Lennon, “all you need is love” and yes, “love is all you need”. Perhaps it was wrong for me to be obsessed with anyone or anything, but just because everything has gone wrong for me until this point does not mean what I’m doing is wrong. So many people have so much worse real life heartbreak stories than I have. Many suffered so much that they thought suicide was the best option, or at least hurting themselves. But love is so different. You heal a broken heart with love. Love fixes love.

It could be the love for movies, or sports, or some company. All it takes is time to heal wounds, but do not lose hope because better things will always come. I’m scared myself at the moment because I like someone, but we hold an uncertain future. She might be going far away, and I might be ignorant and busy. I know it’s better to have loved and lost than not have loved at all (I nicked this line off someone) so I know I should just ask her out. I think we’ll be good together, but I’m too damn scared to start because I’m not sure if I can commit as much to her as I’ve done before. But I know this girl is a lot different and has what I’m looking for, honesty and loyalty. There’s this thing that’s holding me back I think, the fact that she said love is something that happens. It’s perhaps getting close, and perhaps I’m waiting for it.

I’ve had plenty of crush on girls all right, I have to admit, but it was never the sexy body, voice or a beautiful face. What I’ve always wanted was someone I can share my thoughts with and someone who can actually understand the things I say. I want someone who is comfortable to beat me up and someone whom I can help. I want to make a difference in someone’s life without taking away what’s in their life such as moments with family and friends. It’s kind of confusing and I will regret this moment if she goes out with someone else because I like her, very much. I just need some courage.

I really hope I do not mess up the good friendship we have or have any awkward moments. She’s not perfect and I never expect her to be, but I know we understand each other. Strangers are easy to forget, not friends and I don’t wanna lose her. As for now, I’ll just wait for the moment.